We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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