Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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