The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
