On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
