the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
