Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
