R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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