So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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