Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Michael Bay diarrhea
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
