Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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