Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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