Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize