well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
