I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
