You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many bounce houses so little time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
