also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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