Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did i walk over a car last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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