i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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