Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
