If that was your dad, he is hot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
