Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
