im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
