I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
