before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
