This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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