Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
