I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
