i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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