got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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