this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
