The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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