Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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