You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize