I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
