My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
