I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I understand Curling. That high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
