I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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