Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
