he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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