Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
