literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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