Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
