I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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