dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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