Ketchup is God's man juice
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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