one might say we're banned from that church
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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