You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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