i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
