She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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