I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Watching her eat just hurts me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
