Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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