WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
