There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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