Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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