To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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