I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
