he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize