I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dear god my vagina.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
