Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
