mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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