1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to make a zoo with you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
