Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just high enough for therapy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
