I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
