Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize