So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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