I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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