apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
