PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
