I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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