I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
