Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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