apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish you could order shots online.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize